Turning to One Another

Time for some warm fuzzies... The chill of fall has made itself known in northern Alberta. The moHo furnace is working at a fast clip to keep us warm in the mornings and evenings. The poplars are fading into a rich golden color.

For me, this time of year marks the start of indoor social season. When the days get colder and shorter, people seem to huddle together more often to laugh, cook, eat, tell stories and share music and ideas. I am very much anticipating this. 

I recently picked up a pile of goodies from the local library, which included a book that I had mentioned at the end of a recent post. I borrowed the title to name today's post. Reading this book was probably one of the earliest events that inspired me to write a blog. My fears of judgement and rejections held me back from writing for over a year and a half. One day, I woke up and decided to face my fears and just start typing. I never expected to enjoy it THIS much. (I also want to send out a big THANK YOU to all of you readers who may or may not be learning and/or agreeing with my thoughts and opinions. Knowing that you're following along keeps me inspired.)

"There is no power equal to a community discovering what it cares about." - Margaret Wheatley, Turning to One Another

In the opening lines of her book, Margaret says "I believe we can change the world if we start listening to each other once again."  What a simple concept. Yet, so many of us struggle to find a few precious moments in our packed-like-sardines schedules to stop, sit down, listen to (and I mean reaaaaally listen- which I will dive into below) and connect with those who are dearest to us. Maybe it's a good friend, a child, an elder or a sibling. Who is waiting to receive your gift of presence? Maybe you could start with gifting yourself the permission to make the time for these connections?

Last year, on a road trip with a dear friend, we listened to an audio book called The 5 Love Languages. In a nutshell, the author explains that there are five basic ways that humans give and receive love. We all have one dominant language. Receiving this gift from others makes us feel loved more than any of the others. The five languages are: gifts, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and positive affirmations. Which one speaks to you above the rest? Which describes your partner? Kids? You can get a good idea of someone's love language by which of the languages they tend to put forth for those whom they care about. Mine is quality time. Hands down. Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely love time to chat and laugh and share stories and just BE together. I need quality undivided presence from friends and loved ones. I also enjoying giving the same gift to the people who make my life more wonderful. Knowing love languages has shifted my relationships in a big way. Give it a try. Nothing to lose. 

Something that all of us want and need is an ear to listen when we face challenges or are inspired. Listening is an art. It may sound silly, but it is a skill that takes practice. Hearing and listening are distant cousins- they are not the same. I have been practicing conscious listening for several years and still find myself challenged when I'm especially emotional about a topic that is being discussed. I have to hold myself back and remind myself to just listen. Look people in the eye so they know they have my undivided attention. Put my phone away. With the sound off. Don't interrupt. Don't say "Yeah. Hmmm. Mhmmmm! Yup. Uh-huh. Oooooooh. Ugh! Wow. Hmmmm" in the middle of what someone is telling me. No commentary. Just be there in silence. Listen with every ounce of my energy field. 

Feel free to smile, laugh or cry. This is a sign that you are truly listening. These things make us better listeners. Maybe no response is needed. No fixing or solutions. Maybe just a big warm hug. 

"We don't set out to save the world. We set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people's hearts." -Pema Chödrön

To finish up, I am challenging you (and me). The challenge is this: Think of a person who you have some preconceived idea about. It's a person that you don't know very well but that you have developed an opinion about via other people's opinions about that person. Challenge yourself to have a chat with him or her. Bring them a tea or coffee. Erase all preconceived ideas and start fresh by asking them how their day is and what's new in their life. Then....listen. And listen some more. This is how we can change the world.