There is no better time. Now is all we ever have. Now. And now. And now...I needed to get my bathing suit on and get outside on the first day of August to soak up some summer sunshine...right NOW. Here on Vancouver Island, the summer weather this year has been strangely elusive. What?! It's August?? Agh!! Where is the hot sunshiny sky? It's here today. NOW. It wasn't here a couple of weeks ago. It may be gone next week. I'm not even in summer mental mode and it's more than half over!? So today I start enjoying summer and spending less computer time and less marketing and promotional time. I just had a huge realization that I'm actually tired of being a trailblazer and a born leader. This week it has felt like such a heavy burden. Did I order this?? I believe so.
Good advice. Only chocolate can achieve this. Haha!
I went to a Red Tent women's circle last night. During a guided visualization, I realized that my callings throughout my life have all been things/careers/roles that required me to be on the cutting edge or be doing/sharing something new and different. The status quo has never been for me. "This can be done better." "There must be a new way." The little voice is always guiding me. Most of the time it has been an unconscious pull. But today. Today, I'm fully aware. And I need a serious time-out from this cosmic job. Just for a little bit. So I can step back and question everything fully. Especially this: "I feel like none of it matters. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's all the same. Why is this so? And now where do I go from here?"
Ironically, I find philosophy boring and loopy. Too much thinking instead of being here, in the only moment we ever have. As Eckhart Tolle says "the only place we can ever experience the past or the future is in our minds." As many of us know, this can lead to anxiety and depression. No fun.
As I write this blog on my iPhone, I'm simultaneously texting with a sweet friend who is across the continent. I had to copy and paste part of the conversation because it's exactly what I needed to share out loud. It was like this:
She said something to the effect that she's ready to burst out of her metaphorical "cocoon"...
Me: "Haha!!! Yeah. I have no cocoon. I think I need one. We should swap!"
She then stated how simple it is to make a cocoon.
Me: "I'm trying. I'm living on a secluded acreage on an island! It's the technology that's disturbing my would-be cocoon. Mostly the use of Facebook to market and advertise our events. I must quit. It's an energy vampire in disguise as a cute blue and white screen with my friends' faces."(And a bunch of those "friends" are people I don't even know!)
Bam! Poof! Seems simple enough. I don't want to read about the US election candidates and the tsunami of BS that is pushing it forward at a DISTURBING level of intensity. I don't want to see what people had for breakfast. I don't want to see people DESPERATELY crying for help through their computers/ smartphones/ tablets/ google glasses (etc.). We, as a species of humans are losing something that will be very difficult to regain if we collectively let this continue much longer: Connection. REAL loving connection. Support. Friendship. Deep conversations. Sharing what we are passionate about and what makes us all tick. Physical connection too!
In the last week alone, these are a few of the things people have said to me that really stuck in my mind (mostly via an electronic device of some sort):
"I'm so lonely. I feel like I have no real friends anymore. Where is everyone?"
"I just need a hug."
"I know that I'm here to help people. Why does it feel SO HARD?!"
"I'm so completely overwhelmed. I'm retired! I don't even have a job. Why should I be feeling so overwhelmed?!"
"I just don't feel appreciated or needed by anyone anymore."
"Remember when people used to call each other on the phone to make a plan to get together? That was so much easier."
"Remember when people had time and energy and the desire to connect with their loved ones and friends...for no particular or special reason, other than that fact that they loved spending time with one another?"... Oh wait, that one was mine.
I can easily echo most of the other comments, too. I have felt very similar things in the last year. We all feel and think similar things. We are all human. With 7+ billion of us here, having an original thought or emotion is unlikely. We are all more alike than many of us realize or care to acknowledge. The irony is that so many people think that they are the only ones feeling lonely, disconnected, overwhelmed or maxed out. If we would all discuss these human challenges more openly- in person. Heart-to-heart. With those who mean the most to us. Humans would possibly feel much better overall. Too many of us are pretending to be superheroes instead of being human. We feel. We need. We are one.
I had an incredible and synchronistic meeting with one of my all-time favorite musicians in late June. Tanner and I treated ourselves to a one-day pass at an island music festival which was perched on top of a naked, logged mountain overlooking the ocean. It was a unique place for sure. We trekked our there to witness the musical magic of Nahko and Medicine for the People. They are an amazingly gifted crew of musical channels who are spreading messages of love and acceptance. Everything that I also feel that the world needs now, so I am deeply grateful for their gift.
As the sun was setting, I put on all of my warm layers of clothing and went to purchase a hot beverage. The performance we were awaiting was coming soon. To my surprise, the whole band was seated at a strangely oversized log picnic table enjoying supper together. I took my hot drink and retrieved some friends. We engaged in a half hour conversation with Nahko and some other bandmates. He looked at me and said "tell me a story." So I told him the story of how a friend copied me a CD of his music two years ago, and how on that fateful day, our car stereo, which had been out of order for many months, magically turned on to play me that incredibly powerful music. His eyes were wide and he laughed in astonishment. My friend then shared with Nahko how much his music means to him and how it has inspired him and changed his direction in life. Then he said "but you probably hear that all the time." Nahko's response to that was looking us both in the eye and saying "Yes, but thank you for sharing that because if I didn't hear it from people, I probably wouldn't keep going." We all need to feel love and support face-to-face and heart-to-heart. No exceptions. 100% of humans need love.
I then asked if it was corny to get our photo taken together and thanked him for being humble enough to take the time to chat with a couple of fans on Vancouver Island. It wasn't corny at all. It was full of love and appreciation. From all parties.
So, then a group of us pulled off a fun surprise birthday potluck for Tanner last week. Some really special people made the effort to come and celebrate life together. One friend brought two didgeridoos that he made himself, straight off the plane from Australia. He gifted one to Tanner. Very special indeed.
We took a trip down the road from our summertime housesit to a clay deposit in the Cowichan River and had a sunny clay mask treatment. I have been really trying to focus on extra self care. I just remade am updated "things that I love" checklist. The last one that I made in April was full. I put my first checkmarks on the new one today. Gotta keep doing what I love. It's what keeps me loving life.
So I just took a time out from writing to eat some watermelon and to look up "cougar/puma/mountain lion" in our spirit animal book. Last night I dreamt that Tanner was behind the wheel of a jeep and I was in the passenger seat. It was dusk and he turned left into a pitch black earthen tunnel. It was big enough to drive through and I could only see a few feet ahead of us with the dim headlights. I said "slow down!" He said "We're fine. I've got this." He drove faster and faster and I was panicking. I then looked to the right at the walls of the dirt tunnel zooming by, and noticed huge cat paw tracks all along the walls and even above us on the ceiling of the tunnel. I remember thinking "how the hell did the cat run along the walls and ceiling of the tunnel?" I then thought, "I guess it's possible. I've just never seen that with my own eyes. That doesn't mean it didn't happen." We finally got to the dim, dusky light at the end of the tunnel and there was a cougar, the maker of the big paw tracks, which darted away quickly to the left. Then I saw a brief glimpse of a Sasquatch strolling away to the right. I said "was that a Sasquatch?!" Whoa! Recap: Traveling a dark tunnel into the unknown. Cat tracks. Big ones. A majestic cougar in the light at the end of the tunnel. An elusive Sasquatch out for a stroll. Powerful dreamtime!
Cougar spirit animal says this:
So maybe I am a leader. I can't hide from it, even in my dreams. I am being nudged (or raced) forward into the dark unknown that lies ahead. The message I am getting from the universe is:
Stay calm. Buckle up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Follow the tracks laid out before me and most of all, TRUST.
"We are on time." - Nahko
PS. I AM GOING TO RECONFIGURE MY LIFE TO ELIMINATE FACEBOOK AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND STILL DO WHAT I LOVE. Stay tuned for details on how that works out. :D
