If I had to rate myself on "overall average lifetime cheerfulness and positive outlook" on a scale of one to ten, I would say I'm about an 8.5. That sounds pretty positive right? Hopefully many of you reading this consider yourselves positive people. In fact, I think most of us are positive by nature. Our life experiences, conditioning and beliefs may affect our levels of positivity.
In my experience, we tend to absorb the mentality and energy of the people we surround ourselves with. I wish I could remember where I read this line: "You are the sum of the three people you spend the most time with". That being said, think about what it means for you. Do you spend your time with people who high five you, encourage you, laugh with you, and who challenge you to be your best self? Or do you find yourself regularly drained and frustrated because your close circle is whining, complaining, judging, pointing fingers, gossiping, and just plain loathing life?
I don't know about you, but I know that when I hang around generally negative people for long enough, I start to take on a negative overtone myself. I sometimes catch myself after I have just ranted about something and I think to myself, "WOW. That probably sounded like a lunatic. I really don't want to perpetuate the negativity."
It can be a HUGE challenge to draw personal boundaries with these Bad News Betty's and Negative Nellie's. It IS possible though. Another book I read called...(ok my memory is not at peak performance today)...nonetheless, it referred to these types of people as "energy vampires". Yeah. That pretty much hits the nail on the head.
But...if we choose to not allow ourselves to give our own energy away, we will soon discover that we can interact with these folks and still feel like ourselves. Aaaaaand...we might also learn something about ourselves and even help the other person learn something about themselves in the process.
This will take some practice. I'm still reminding myself of these techniques all the time. Try implementing these simple ideas (like garlic for vampires) the next time you encounter Mr./Miss Negativity Pants:
1. Don't react. Listen to what is said, but do not commiserate or add to the negativity snowball.
2. Counter the negative stuff with bright positive stuff. Be the Angel's advocate, so to speak.
3. Ask them "do you REALLY believe what you just said is true?" Might make them rethink.
4. Turn the whole thing around like a mirror and use these same techniques on yourself. That's right. When you are feeling out of sorts and/or mentally bashing a person or situation, take another look.
Something else that I have gathered through the years is the concept that whenever we encounter a situation that brings up negative feelings, it likely means that we, ourselves, have some issues to face and heal. Call it the shadow side of your shiny, happy front. Are there certain kinds of people or recurring situations that you shy away from? What makes you feel awkward? What could you gain from facing your shadow and stepping right in? Often the qualities of others that make us uncomfortable are things that we are afraid to acknowledge in ourselves.
Starting right now, I'm naming my shadow and facing it whenever I feel it breathing down my neck. I will call it Negatron. What's your shadow side called? I suggest that you give it a humorous name and share it with your friends and family so they can gently point out when it's raring its creepy face. Offer to do the same for them. This is one more step toward self-awareness.
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