Turning to One Another

Time for some warm fuzzies... The chill of fall has made itself known in northern Alberta. The moHo furnace is working at a fast clip to keep us warm in the mornings and evenings. The poplars are fading into a rich golden color.

For me, this time of year marks the start of indoor social season. When the days get colder and shorter, people seem to huddle together more often to laugh, cook, eat, tell stories and share music and ideas. I am very much anticipating this. 

I recently picked up a pile of goodies from the local library, which included a book that I had mentioned at the end of a recent post. I borrowed the title to name today's post. Reading this book was probably one of the earliest events that inspired me to write a blog. My fears of judgement and rejections held me back from writing for over a year and a half. One day, I woke up and decided to face my fears and just start typing. I never expected to enjoy it THIS much. (I also want to send out a big THANK YOU to all of you readers who may or may not be learning and/or agreeing with my thoughts and opinions. Knowing that you're following along keeps me inspired.)

"There is no power equal to a community discovering what it cares about." - Margaret Wheatley, Turning to One Another

In the opening lines of her book, Margaret says "I believe we can change the world if we start listening to each other once again."  What a simple concept. Yet, so many of us struggle to find a few precious moments in our packed-like-sardines schedules to stop, sit down, listen to (and I mean reaaaaally listen- which I will dive into below) and connect with those who are dearest to us. Maybe it's a good friend, a child, an elder or a sibling. Who is waiting to receive your gift of presence? Maybe you could start with gifting yourself the permission to make the time for these connections?

Last year, on a road trip with a dear friend, we listened to an audio book called The 5 Love Languages. In a nutshell, the author explains that there are five basic ways that humans give and receive love. We all have one dominant language. Receiving this gift from others makes us feel loved more than any of the others. The five languages are: gifts, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and positive affirmations. Which one speaks to you above the rest? Which describes your partner? Kids? You can get a good idea of someone's love language by which of the languages they tend to put forth for those whom they care about. Mine is quality time. Hands down. Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely love time to chat and laugh and share stories and just BE together. I need quality undivided presence from friends and loved ones. I also enjoying giving the same gift to the people who make my life more wonderful. Knowing love languages has shifted my relationships in a big way. Give it a try. Nothing to lose. 

Something that all of us want and need is an ear to listen when we face challenges or are inspired. Listening is an art. It may sound silly, but it is a skill that takes practice. Hearing and listening are distant cousins- they are not the same. I have been practicing conscious listening for several years and still find myself challenged when I'm especially emotional about a topic that is being discussed. I have to hold myself back and remind myself to just listen. Look people in the eye so they know they have my undivided attention. Put my phone away. With the sound off. Don't interrupt. Don't say "Yeah. Hmmm. Mhmmmm! Yup. Uh-huh. Oooooooh. Ugh! Wow. Hmmmm" in the middle of what someone is telling me. No commentary. Just be there in silence. Listen with every ounce of my energy field. 

Feel free to smile, laugh or cry. This is a sign that you are truly listening. These things make us better listeners. Maybe no response is needed. No fixing or solutions. Maybe just a big warm hug. 

"We don't set out to save the world. We set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people's hearts." -Pema Chödrön

To finish up, I am challenging you (and me). The challenge is this: Think of a person who you have some preconceived idea about. It's a person that you don't know very well but that you have developed an opinion about via other people's opinions about that person. Challenge yourself to have a chat with him or her. Bring them a tea or coffee. Erase all preconceived ideas and start fresh by asking them how their day is and what's new in their life. Then....listen. And listen some more. This is how we can change the world.

(Modern) Life is but a Dream.

Do you ever get the feeling that things like iPhones, and Facebook are just another THING that keeps us humans immersed in a dream-like semi-reality?

Don't get me wrong, I too have enjoyed having hundreds of "friends" on Facebook, and that feeling of warm fuzzies when the majority of those people message me the token once-a-year on my birthday, which they rely on Facebook to notify them of.  Or how about learning of a family member's engagement (OMG! look at my huge diamond!) or pregnancy (surprise everyone! Here is our first look at baby!) via a Facebook post. What happened to a phone call and/or a simple email to those who are closest to us? Are these life events not special and sacred anymore? Seems like they are all just for show these days. 

Social media. Facebook. Television. Celebrities. All of those other online apps and groups and garbage that is flooding our minds. 

Wake up friends! IT'S. NOT. REAL!!! It's not genuine human connection. It's stealing from all of us the quality of life and those meaningful connections and memorable moments that we are ALL seeking. Our children are not learning the skills needed to communicate with each other while their noses are pointed at electronic boxes of various shapes and sizes. People are passive-aggressively putting each other down and gossiping and sharing false information and it makes my head spin!

I have stepped back from Facebook for a few months now, occasionally posting a link to these blog posts, but making a conscious choice to avoid scrolling mindlessly through people's complaints, ego flaunting and dramas. The result? I feel lighter. I feel happier. I don't feel left out and I would certainly hope that if a life-changing event were to occur, that my REAL friends and family would send me an email or even better yet, pick up the phone. 

This brings me to my next point which is cell phones.  I have had one version or another for over 10 years. The phone companies have usually had to arm wrestle me to get me to upgrade my ancient (folds in half with a pull-up antenna) phones to the newest versions with day-planning,  dinner-making, weather-forecasting, trend-watching, OMG!!! alerting shenanigans (of which I have one and am typing this post with, but is mostly severely underutilized). 

What has happened to our ability to think for ourselves??? At this point, if you don't carry around one of these gadgets, I don't know how you even get out of bed in the morning! 

On top of this, I (and the masses) am spending over $1,000 yearly to keep up with everyone else in the technology race. The phone companies (among many others, which I will eventually post about) are laughing at us.  I called my mobile phone provider today and said that I wanted to cancel my phone plan and pay the remaining balance on my contract. The fellow helping me was quite surprised and asked why I would possibly want to do that?!  I simply said that I am no longer interested in paying such high fees to stay in touch with the people who matter to me. So after an hour of being on hold repeatedly, I am still using my phone and was offered a "bargain!!!" I am no fool, and although I accepted the offer, I have a master plan of scrapping my phone and freeing myself from one more of the tentacles of modern society, which I truly believe is dumbing us all down and keeping us working like rats on a wheel so that we can keep up with society and be cool.  

After all, that's what life is about. Right?