Turning to One Another

Time for some warm fuzzies... The chill of fall has made itself known in northern Alberta. The moHo furnace is working at a fast clip to keep us warm in the mornings and evenings. The poplars are fading into a rich golden color.

For me, this time of year marks the start of indoor social season. When the days get colder and shorter, people seem to huddle together more often to laugh, cook, eat, tell stories and share music and ideas. I am very much anticipating this. 

I recently picked up a pile of goodies from the local library, which included a book that I had mentioned at the end of a recent post. I borrowed the title to name today's post. Reading this book was probably one of the earliest events that inspired me to write a blog. My fears of judgement and rejections held me back from writing for over a year and a half. One day, I woke up and decided to face my fears and just start typing. I never expected to enjoy it THIS much. (I also want to send out a big THANK YOU to all of you readers who may or may not be learning and/or agreeing with my thoughts and opinions. Knowing that you're following along keeps me inspired.)

"There is no power equal to a community discovering what it cares about." - Margaret Wheatley, Turning to One Another

In the opening lines of her book, Margaret says "I believe we can change the world if we start listening to each other once again."  What a simple concept. Yet, so many of us struggle to find a few precious moments in our packed-like-sardines schedules to stop, sit down, listen to (and I mean reaaaaally listen- which I will dive into below) and connect with those who are dearest to us. Maybe it's a good friend, a child, an elder or a sibling. Who is waiting to receive your gift of presence? Maybe you could start with gifting yourself the permission to make the time for these connections?

Last year, on a road trip with a dear friend, we listened to an audio book called The 5 Love Languages. In a nutshell, the author explains that there are five basic ways that humans give and receive love. We all have one dominant language. Receiving this gift from others makes us feel loved more than any of the others. The five languages are: gifts, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and positive affirmations. Which one speaks to you above the rest? Which describes your partner? Kids? You can get a good idea of someone's love language by which of the languages they tend to put forth for those whom they care about. Mine is quality time. Hands down. Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely love time to chat and laugh and share stories and just BE together. I need quality undivided presence from friends and loved ones. I also enjoying giving the same gift to the people who make my life more wonderful. Knowing love languages has shifted my relationships in a big way. Give it a try. Nothing to lose. 

Something that all of us want and need is an ear to listen when we face challenges or are inspired. Listening is an art. It may sound silly, but it is a skill that takes practice. Hearing and listening are distant cousins- they are not the same. I have been practicing conscious listening for several years and still find myself challenged when I'm especially emotional about a topic that is being discussed. I have to hold myself back and remind myself to just listen. Look people in the eye so they know they have my undivided attention. Put my phone away. With the sound off. Don't interrupt. Don't say "Yeah. Hmmm. Mhmmmm! Yup. Uh-huh. Oooooooh. Ugh! Wow. Hmmmm" in the middle of what someone is telling me. No commentary. Just be there in silence. Listen with every ounce of my energy field. 

Feel free to smile, laugh or cry. This is a sign that you are truly listening. These things make us better listeners. Maybe no response is needed. No fixing or solutions. Maybe just a big warm hug. 

"We don't set out to save the world. We set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people's hearts." -Pema Chödrön

To finish up, I am challenging you (and me). The challenge is this: Think of a person who you have some preconceived idea about. It's a person that you don't know very well but that you have developed an opinion about via other people's opinions about that person. Challenge yourself to have a chat with him or her. Bring them a tea or coffee. Erase all preconceived ideas and start fresh by asking them how their day is and what's new in their life. Then....listen. And listen some more. This is how we can change the world.

You DID sign up for this! And continue to sign up for it. (Part TWO)

This is a second piece to my last post about "collective consent". There are so many aspects of our culture that seem SO backward and corrupt to me. Every day I observe people and situations that make me at least shake my head, sometimes they give me a queazy feeling in my stomach, and at worst, they drive me to write about it. Why do we all continue to follow along like a flock of helpless, mindless sheeple? 

I think it's about darn time that we speak up and say a big bold NO to the leaders of our world and the corporations that are mutually supporting each other to control our thoughts and actions every single day.  At least be the black sheep!  I'm one. I have been one as long as I can remember. Go against the [GMO] grain. Don't be afraid to raise a few eyebrows! Make people do a double take. Be the topic of conversation (But be normal enough so people actually listen to what you have to say and don't run for the hills when they see you).

Media

When I was a kid, I despised the news channels on the TV and radio.  I didn't have a clue what they were reporting about, but I remember seeing awful images and hearing the words "bombing" "gunfire" "injured civilians" "casualties" "war" "drugs" "borders" "tragedy" "child abduction" "rape" "attacks" "gangs" and many others that stir up feelings of sadness.  I didn't understand why on earth adults wanted to see and hear that stuff.  I still don't understand.  I'm quick to leave the room or change the radio station when news comes on.  Newspapers and magazines tend to be slightly more tactful about their presentations. However, in my humble opinion, all mainstream big media raises a major red flag for me. 

I believe that we are fed the side of the story that makes most of the population either: (a) feel afraid for themselves and their families, (b) angry at someone which creates a target ( such as making a poor poor POOR judgement about a whole race of people or an entire region of the globe) or (c) sympathetic enough to agree with what they just saw/heard/read. Often it's enough to sway "we the people" into supporting whatever ridiculous attack or war on this or that or the other scheme that they have dreamt up to gain more power and control. 

For this reason alone, I do not believe in television, radio or printed news from any mainstream source. Simply put: We are not receiving all of the necessary information that we would need in order to create an intelligent and educated opinion on anything. Period. Exclamation point. 

Do your homework. Question everything. Especially if the news told you that it's true!

(PS. Pleeeeease do NOT believe everything that Facebook tells you. After all, Facebook is a collaboration of sheeple spreading sheeple fears. There is some good stuff on there too. Use your intuition to separate the two.)

Technology

 Oh wow, BIG topic. I had to take a really deep iBreath before I typed this on my iPhone.  That wasn't a typo. I was just testing to see if anyone thought that the concept of a device to tell us when and how to breathe would be crossing a line of insulting our innate human intelligence.  When is enough going to be enough?  

Ask yourself if your life is any easier now that you have all these gadgets? Remember when all you had was a phone attached to your wall, an address book, actual social gatherings, and to keep life flowing smoothly....a wall calendar with puppies or cool cars on it and you couldn't wait to get to the next page because it was your birthday month!? How the heck did we get anything done back then? Our calendars didn't beep, vibrate, flash or interrupt us in the middle of an important conversation to tell us to take the dog for a walk.  I actually laughed out loud when I just imagined calendars doing all that. 

I heard a real live duck quacking in a pond the other day and briefly thought that maybe the last person enjoying that bit of nature left their iPhone in the weeds. (?!?!?)  Enough about the iRevolution. I'm just getting flustered. 

Let's talk about the new fancy technologically advanced cars! So smart! They warn you when vehicles ahead of you are stopping (some even warn you two cars ahead!) so you don't really have to keep your eyes on the road, beep madly when there is something behind you in reverse so that you don't have to use your mirrors, and give you a thumbs up when it's safe to change lanes in rush hour traffic, so you don't have to strain yourself with a brutal shoulder check. Might as well put your dog in the driver's seat so you can text away or scroll through Facebook on your iThing. Or better yet, just reveal the iDrive already. I'm sure it's coming and does everything for you so you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. Oh, wait a minute. That's called a taxi.

What else can I examine? 3D televisions? (I prefer real life.) I won't even go there. My point is, be present. LIVE each moment...and going along with today's theme, iThink for yourself.