The Gift of Life: Part Two

Meanwhile, while I was completely immersed in my teenaged mutant ninja hermit phase, my family was sure I was going crazy (and some days I wondered if they were right...but now I know that I was totally fine!). So they took me to numerous specialists and eventually, after testing half a dozen meds, had me put on a one called Effexor XR. It numbed me to a place where I was neither excited or sad. Just a steady dullness enveloped my every waking moment. I even stopped having dreams at night for years on end.  I remained on that medication for nearly 7 years. I think that while under the influence of its spell, I didn't have the wherewithal to realize that I was being totally compliant with leading a very dull and unexciting existence. 

During that time, at age 22, I unexpectedly conceived with my partner. I consulted with several doctors who said that my original prescribing doctor (or any other doctor at all???) should have explained the severe risks involved with pregnancy and this medication. I was furious. I felt so uninformed and totally abandoned by the western medical system that we all accept as "normal". After weeks of strong encouragement from doctors, and with mountains of sadness and guilt, we decided to end the pregnancy. That choice still brings up many strong emotions for me. Throughout the years, I have done counseling, journaling and healing work to forgive myself and everyone else involved in that life-changing event.

THEN...eventually I had a spark of awakening and inspiration in 2007, at age 25, and weaned myself off of Effexor, which took me nearly 6 months of pulling one more micro bead each day out of the tiny capsules (my own idea). I learned what patience meant. It was very powerful stuff and the withdrawal symptoms were horrific when I tried to wean off of it the way that the doctor instructed me to. I still wonder to this day what long-term effects it may have had. Anyone know about this??

In summarizing this info, I urge you to avoid unnecessary Rx medication of ANY KIND.  INFORM YOURSELF AND SEEK  NATURAL ALTERNATIVES TO PHARMECEUTICALS WHEN POSSIBLE. They may save lives as a last resort, but please, please do your homework before handing over that little Rx sheet. There are dark sides to many, many common medications. 

Since those Rx days, which ended in 2007, I have been excitedly rediscovering my special gifts and skills as if for the first time. I liken it to relearning to walk or talk, or use motor skills after a severe injury. I had squashed them down in a deep, guarded compartment for many years and tried to pretend that I was "normal".  

In fact, until a month ago, I still didn't fully realize the full extent of who I really am and what I have to learn and share with humanity. In early June, I attended a workshop that I happened to see advertised locally titled "highly sensitive children". It was geared toward parents who are raising kids with special abilities such has telepathy or clairvoyance. I knew immediately that I had to attend. All I can say is that the day was a huge game-changer for me. I spent at least the first hour in tears from a wild combination of reassurance and disbelief that there are probably millions of others on the planet who share a similar experience of life with me!

By the end of the workshop, I was full of excitement and eagerness to learn more about this human phenomena and to build connections with others from the group and beyond. 

I have since been asked to host some workshops on this topic myself, which was an unexpected turn of events. I have heard numerous times that whatever our deepest hurts have been, that these are the things that we can share with others to help change the world. My calling seems to lie somewhere between guidance counseling and supporting fellow HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE.  

Do you or someone you love share similar experiences with what I have described? Please pass this on to those who may benefit from reading this. I  am always happy to work with anyone who is interested in learning more. 

Alongthehearttrail@gmail.com

The Gift of Life: Part One

For most of my life I have had a constant feeling that I experience everyday life in a way that is unique and unknown to most people. I knew it when I was a young child, spending the majority of my time in nature, seeking its safety and wonder, listening to the trees, organizing my large collection of crystals and gemstones that were a magical gift from my grandma...and I was always surrounded with a plethora of various pets and wildlife. I felt that I could connect with animals (and plants) more than the others in my circle of friends and family (except maybe my little sister. I'm quite sure that she has these skills, and now her 8 year old son does, too).  I think my gift of animal communication was shattered when I had a severe horseback riding "accident" at age 14. I lost my lust and confidence for animal communication and felt like I had failed my horse. I "outgrew" my animal phase. 

At age 7, I was singled out with a handful of other students, tested, and labeled as "gifted and talented".  By who's standards? For the remainder of my grade school years, our group met weekly to hone our "gifts and talents". I never really thought much about it though. It seemed normal enough at the time. We all looked forward to an annual convention of the G&T called Odyssey of the Mind. From early elementary and onward, we did things like build balsa wood bridges to see who could engineer the strongest one. We also wrote, acted in, and directed our own plays -soundtracks included. We practiced brainstorming, had philosophical discussions and polished up on our problem-solving skills. It was a non-stop mind challenge.

Outside of school, I grew up in a household that was quite violent and very tense. There was lots of shouting, which I always ran and hid from, and even sometimes when it was really intense, there was throwing and smashing of various objects. There were often forceful physical assaults, which I was never once involved in, only a witness to on numerous occasions. 

I have always had a photographic memory. It is a curse and a blessing. I can remember things from at least 25 years ago in fine detail. The good, the bad and the ugly. It was extremely useful in school when it came time to take exams. I would have a flash of the exact paragraph in a textbook where the answer to a question was. I have pretty much everything from the last 32 years of life stored in my visual memory. On a regular basis now, random moments in history pop up in my consciousness. Things that I didn't even consciously know that I saw or experienced at the time. What people were wearing, the music in the background and what the weather was like on any given day. 

As a child with extremely high sensitivity to other people's (and animals') energy, I struggled with all of this. A LOT. I learned the habit of emotional eating from my parents. So I became the chubby kid. My big brother teased me relentlessly and had cruel nicknames for me until I was a teenager, when I finally joined sports teams, ate healthier and slimmed down to normal-ish. I also cried often as a kid. Pretty much daily. I was often very sad and so afraid for myself, my family and our pets. 

I was always the overachiever in the family, much to my two siblings' dismay. I was a straight-A Honor Roll student most of my 12 years of school and was always striving to prove myself to the world. Somehow though, nothing any of us did was ever good enough for our father. Why weren't the A-minuses A-pluses?? He had (and still clings to) extremely high hopes for me. He told me repeatedly that I would make a great doctor or lawyer someday.  I knew he was wrong. Those things were not in my destiny. At least not this time around. 

Finally one day in grade 11, at age 16, I couldn't cope with the violence and pressure at home and at school ANY. MORE. My body, mind and spirit started to crumble. I developed severe anxiety, including a debilitating fear of traveling in enclosed vehicles with other people (cars, buses, airplanes, subways, etc) regardless of who they were. 

When IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) was a brand new discovery back then, I was labeled with that, too. I felt just awful! I quit attending high school a few weeks before grade 11 final exams, and I insisted on homeschooling myself for grade 12. It took a boatload of convincing but I did it, with the help of a very supportive tutor and his wife, who became my second family for that year. 

My closest friends had no idea what was happening because I was really embarrassed and very confused at the time. I spent nearly the entire year of grade 12 holed up reading and writing and spending tons of time in nature. I was constantly asking myself "what is the meaning of all of this?!". I knew that my life just had to be about more than this ugliness that I had experienced so much of for those early years of life.

My search began for the answers to some really tough questions:  "Why am I here? What can I do to make my world a better place? Is this the reality that everyone experiences? Is life this scary for other kids? How did I end up in this family? Am I going nuts? Will I wake up and realize that this was all a bad dream?" 

To be continued...(it was too long to fit into one blog post.)

The Lost Art of Committment

commit[ kuh-mit ]

verb (used with object) [com·mit·ted, com·mit·ting.]

1. to give in trust or charge; consign.

2. to consign for preservation

3. to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express (one's intention, feeling, etc.)

Commitment. To people. To events. To your work. To yourself.

It's a rare thing these days. I, myself am guilty of the occasional "back-out" or avoidance of a situation that I wish I hadn't said yes to. However, I try my best to hold myself accountable to the people and events that I said I would be present for.

I have observed a few things lately that I will share about present-day humans and their commitment-phobias:

1. Texting/email/Facebook makes for (seemingly) very easy cop-outs. There is no emotion shown or exchanged, only emotions left to be interpreted via typed words. There is no disappointed faces to be seen (emoticons do NOT count, in case any of you were thinking that). No sad or angry hearts to contend with. One more huge strike against technology...in my opinion.

2.  If you don't want to do something....JUST.SAY.SO. Be honest. Waiting until the last minute is much worse and frustrating and disappointing for others. Geez! For Pete's sake, stand up for your right to make your own choices- but for Pete's other sake, stick with your first instinct. Be legit. Commit. Otherwise people may start referring to you as flaky. No one wants that label, right?

3. The grass is always greener? No. No, It's not. If you commit to something, do it. Don't back out because an easier or more fun offer came up last minute. 

4.  Think before you start telling everyone what your plans are. Make sure that you are fully committed in your own heart before saying you will help someone or show up somewhere. You are allowed to say "I'll think about that." Or "Let me consider that option."  Or "I'll get back to you."

5. Humans seem to be losing touch with our innate compassion for and connection to other humans. Start holding yourself and others accountable and set an example. Especially for the younger generations.

SO:

Let's stop being fickle flounder-ers and start being wonderful accountable, reliable, caring human beings again!

Ok. That's all for today. I hope you committed and read this whole post. 

If so, congrats. Give yourself a high five. You are one of endangered species of accountable humans left. Hopefully they will repopulate and be flourishing again soon. 

PS. I tried to partly write this post and then let myself get distracted and make up reasons in my mind why it wasn't that important. Then I called bullshit on myself. And finished the post. Yay me. Committed. 

PPS. Apparently there are two ways to spell the word commitment/committment.  Depending on which dictionary you are referring to. Seems ironic. 

The Cocoon Phase

Images from Sugarboo Designs. 150 Love Notes booklet.  So lovely!

I just looked at my last blog post and it's been one month since I have had the inspiration to write. Whoa! That is the longest that I have gone without a post since I started this blog, just over a year ago. Hmmmmm...red flag?

This actually confirms something huge for me: that I was feeling uninspired which means that I was living a relatively uninspired period of my life. How sad is that? Can anyone out there relate to that feeling?  Yeah, pretty much everyone? Which brings me to the topic of this post... Why aren't we all living and speaking our passions and feeling alive and inspired every single day of this short gift called life? You can try to make up a million and one excuses, but do yourself a favor and don't bother. I will have a comeback ready for all of them. There is no good excuse...just our own fears getting in the way of our happiness.

I recently realized that the job that I was  working for only four short months was not getting me any closer to living my passions. Like most "jobs", it was a great way to meet new people, make a wage and keep myself busy- because that's what we all seem to think we are supposed to do. Don't get me wrong. I loved all of the people that I worked with and the connections with customers and sharing laughs and teaching and learning. And helping people. Helping people to love and empower themselves. That's what I really love to do. This may not come as a surprise to you.

The pieces of the puzzle have been showing up for me for several years but it has taken me until now to realize what they all mean.  I feel like I should have realized this a year ago when I began blogging to help myself and others to live a more authentic life. Or maybe I could have clued in when I opened a used clothing store and everyday, for several years, dozens of people came in to talk, not to shop. Well it's never too late to start living your passions. 

So. This is me announcing that I will be embarking on a journey to help others to love and empower themselves and live their passions. I know this has already been happening to some degree. Now I am making it my main focus. It's what I love to do. It makes me happy to see others improving their lives and giving themselves the love that we all deserve. I'm still not totally clear on how this will all come together, but I know for certain that it's happening piece by piece. 

I have been working with a book called The Passion Test. It has really helped me to differentiate my passions from my hobbies and goals. I now have a clear list of my top passions as of today. Passions change. Life is full of change. So make sure you aren't stuck in that life that you wanted 10 years ago, but that isn't suiting you today. It happens too often. 

The last month has been part of my cocoon phase. I have had at least 3 or 4 other cocoon phases in my life so far. It's what happens when something big happens in life that forces me to stop and look at the bigger picture.

 I stop doing the things that aren't moving me closer to peace and happiness. I sift out the people who aren't enriching my life. I make more time to do the things that I love. The things that make me ME. All of these things combined creates a cocoon-like state where I can be and know myself. Unadulterated. Uninfluenced. Unwaivered. Each time, I have emerged as a brighter and happier version of myself. A butterfly. Try it. I dare you.

PS. PLEASE contact me if you are seeking some soul guidance. Even if you are across the globe, I will be happy to help you to live your soul's passions. 

Alongthehearttrail@gmail.com

What are YOU eating???

This weekend, I participated in my second March Against Monsanto event, this time on Vancouver Island. According to the founder of MAM, on Saturday, at least 366 official events took place in 43 countries around the globe. Wow. The people are not happy, Monsanto. 

In case you aren't familiar, Monsanto is the chemical company that developed DDT (the insecticidal chemical that was used to kill mosquitoes during WWII and then sprayed freely as an agricultural insecticide in the 60's and 70's and caused massive environmental devastation), PCB's (toxic, organic chemical compounds used in electrical equipment and in coolants until the 1970's), RGBH (bovine growth hormone), Agent Orange, a carcinogenic defoliant used in the Vietnam War, and Roundup, the readily-available friendly,  neighborhood herbicide that has been highly controversial over the last number of years. (Info confirmation Resources: Wikipedia)

Over the last few decades, these clever folks have mostly sold off their chemical side to multiple outsiders, and have now focused on seeds and animals, playing around with the genetic material of various plants and animals to great new species of living organisms that look prettier, decompose more slowly, glow in the dark, are more convenient to slaughter, survive despite heavy pesticide/herbicide application, look like a tomato but taste and smell like a lemon (Why??!) etc, etc, etc.  Voila! GMO's. 

Back to the march...

The event was exhilarating, and it was uplifting to shout out loud how I feel about a global corporation playing "GOD" with nature's creations that feed our world. I also felt deep sadness and anger that our fellow desensitized and money-hungry human beings are behind this madness. I have a really hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that profit and "economic growth" can seem more important to some than human lives and the health of our only home!!!

Monsanto isn't the only problem that humanity faces, but they are at the mast of the corporate ship that is headed straight for a massive iceberg, of which the destruction of the global food system is just the tip. 

It was heartwarming to see the variety of people who spent their Saturday marching the city streets, waving their lovely homemade signs and trying to wake up those who are not yet aware of the frankenfoods that they are consuming on a daily basis. It's pretty safe to say that if you purchased it from a run-of-the-mill restarant/fast food joint, it's full of GMO's. If it's not labeled as Organic certified or GMO FREE, and you bought it in a regular grocery store, it likely contains GMO's. YES. IT is TRUE. They are in pretty much everything that contains a (non-organic) corn product and many more ingredients. 

Here is a list of the most common GMO ingredients you will find in your food:

10. Sugar beets

  9. Potatoes

  8. Corn

  7. Tomatoes

  6. Squash

  5. Golden rice

  4. Soybeans

  3. Cooking oils

  2. Animal feeds

  1. Salmon

http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/10-genetically-modified-food-products.htm

And the list goes on and on...and keeps growing. So. Think twice before you eat that stuff we used to think was food. Read food labels and ingredient lists. 

What's the solution? The same as most solutions that I suggest: educate yourself. Grow a garden using organic seeds and heirloom varieties that have not been messed with by greedy corporate hands. Shop at farmers' markets or join an organic CSA. Buy organic food. "But it's soooo expensive!", you might argue. 

And here is my rebuttal:

Our food is our nourishment, Our lifeblood. Without it we perish. Without our health, we truly have nothing. Our bodies need clean, fresh food to thrive. I can't think of anything that trumps healthy eating on my list of basic needs. Think you need that daily latte, new outfit, car or fancy phone? Think again.

Personal challenge: Track all of your spending for one month. You might be surprised at how much you spend on frivolous things. Instead of having the latest and greatest STUFF, shift your focus to cutting unnecessary costs and making healthy (NON-GMO/organic) food your top priority. Your body and the planet will thank you.

To close, this awesome poem was written a few years ago by actor, Woody Harrelson and I couldn't have said it any better myself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVNpzT4Y38s&sns=em

Whoever painted this, it's awesome. Nice work

. 

It Starts with ONE

A revolution begins when one person stands up for what they believe is right and true, then others join in to stand up together for change.  There has been a major revolution happening over the last few decades and it's growing exponentially.  It's called....permaculture. 

"Permaculture is a philosophy of working with, rather than against nature; of protracted and thoughtful observation rather than protracted and thoughtless labor; and of looking at plants and animals in all their functions, rather than treating any area as a single production system." - Bill Mollison

The green thumbs are joining forces to save the world, one garden at a time. I took my permaculture design course (PDC) in 2009, on Orcas Island, Washington, when some good friends were more or less reborn after learning the permaculture ways. I wanted to know what all the excitement was about. For a whole month, I was immersed in permaculture living, breathing, speaking and eating. My way of existing in everyday life was changed forever. In a very good way.

I recently completed the book The One Straw Revolution by Masanobu Fukuoka. It was written in the 1970's in Japan. This man was way ahead (some might arguably say behind) of the times. I believe that Mr. Fukuoka was the father of the permaculture movement, before it was even called permaculture.  His philosophy was simple: Do less to nature and it will take care of itself. He believed that once humans disturb nature to try to control its functions, it starts a cycle of destruction that is very difficult to repair. 

My favorite parts of this book were the philosophies that he had on life in general, not just the parts about growing food. I closed the book feeling refreshed and inspired and more aware. I want to share a few of my favorite excerpts instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, so to speak.

"The path that leads to right awareness involves living each day straightforwardly and growing and eating wholesome, natural food."

"Produce grown in an unnatural way satisfies people's fleeting desires but weakens the human body and alters the body chemistry so that it is dependant upon such foods. When this happens, vitamin supplements and medicines become necessary. This situation only creates hardships for the farmer and suffering for the consumer."

"Human life is not sustained by its own power. Nature gives birth to human beings and keeps them alive. This is the relation in which people stand to nature. Food is a gift from Heaven. People do not create foods from nature; Heaven bestows them."

"When it is understood that one loses joy and happiness in the attempt to possess them, the essence of natural farming will be realized. The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings."

"If economic growth rises from 5% to 10%, is happiness going to double? What's wrong with a growth rate of 0%? Isn't this a rather stable kind of economics? Could there be anything better than living simply and taking it easy?"

"Originally human beings had no purpose. Now, dreaming up some purpose or other, they struggle away trying to find the meaning of life. It is a one-man wrestling match....From the time they enter nursery school, people's sorrows begin. The human being was a happy creature, but he created a hard world and now struggles trying to break out of it."

"Other animals fight but do not make war. If you say that making war, which depends upon ideas of strong and weak, is humanity's special "privilege," then life is a farce. Not knowing this farce to be a farce- there lies the human tragedy."

"Let us say that the key to peace lies close to the earth." - Masanobu Fukuoka 1913-2008

Let's. Get. Real. (Please.)

I don't know if other people think about this or not because no one really talks about it...so I will take the liberty of doing so, boldly and openly. As I often do. 

I will also prelude this blog post with saying: please don't assume that I dwell on negative things. Because I don't. There is a big difference between being a pessimist and being a realist. I mostly write about the positive side of things to help others (and myself) to feel uplifted and optimistic. Sometimes, however, I have to mix it up and talk about what deeply concerns me.

Tonight, after another week of work and "life stuff", we sat down on our sofa and pondered and analyzed life and our world. 

Why has humanity agreed to continue to perpetuate the old cyclical patterns of past generations? These old ways are clearly failing us as a species. Wars, famine, destruction, disease, environmental disasters, racism, class separation, toxic food...and the list keeps going.

We asked ourselves how many other people were sitting down on this fine Friday evening asking themselves the same questions. Surely we can't be the only two people on earth who feel like slaves to a completely mad global system?! 

We tallied our expenses for the month of April and were amazed at where our hard-earned dollars went. We had quite a few extraneous expenses for various things, including vehicle repairs, and various wellness expenses. But still, wow! It's amazing what the cost of life is. Why do we all play along with "the financial system"? How did we get to the point where we all agree to inherit the debts of our parents and grandparents and generations before them? The average (but not all) North American's life looks like this model: Birth, Schooling, Debt, Slavery (aka "a job"), "Retirement", End Scene. Repeat. Sound familiar?

Is there anyone reading this who wants to see us all paint a different collective picture? I find it sooo interesting that this blog has over 400 views each month, yet virtually no one is brave enough to engage in conversation about the topics that I write about. (To the very few who do engage, kudos for stepping outside of your cozy box.) Why the complacency, readers? What are you afraid will happen? Will your friends or family think you are weird for thinking outside the box? Oh no. Not that! If it makes others uncomfortable, then that's their choice. Sheesh! I have lost touch with a few friends/acquaintances who thought my blogging was too crazy or weird or extreme. And yet, here I am. Still writing. It's what feels right for me.

One of the reasons that I severely limited my browsing of social media sites was because so many people are engaging in meaningless, mind-numbing, time-wasting nonsense. (I know, I know. There's also a lot of positive stuff going around too.) As a society, we think that when we post tidbits about stuff, that it's productive in some trivial way.  It's the new TV of the 21st century. It sucks you in so that reality is a distant memory. Even if just for 10 minutes.

Funny but true. 

Here's another thing that is so bizarre to me:

Someone gets a shiny new car or a new funky hairstyle and their fabbed-up photo gets 65 likes and 22 comments. Soooo awesome!!! On the other hand, when someone (like me) shakes things up and says "hello world! This stuff is all just created to keep the carefully designed financial (and global government) systems flowing smoothly. Wake up everyone! Let's all change our reality!"…............................................. No likes. No comments. So uncomfortable for people. Let's pretend she didn't just say that thing that I know in my heart to be true. Phew. It's so much easier to pretend everything is just fine. Insert head in sand. Business as usual. Back to the grind.

I would like you to ask yourself a few questions and I would also like you to be 150% honest with yourself when you answer them. You don't have to share your answers with anyone. So don't worry what anyone else might think.

1.  Are you currently fulfilling your personal legend? My what? Exactly. Read The Alchemist for more info.

2. Do you wake up every morning feeling excited about the day ahead of you? If you do, I would like to hear about how you have achieved this! Maybe you could blog about it!

3. Do you work more than you want to and feel like you don't have enough time to enjoy your passions, friends and family?

4. Why are you reading this blog? No, really. What are you getting out of these posts? I would like to know.

5. Are you willing to step into your highest calling as a human being at this moment in time and help shift yourself and others toward a more loving and conscious planet?

Sounds pretty big, doesn't it? Yeah, well it is. If you are perfectly happy with your life then ignore all of this...and probably all of my other blog posts. 

If you aren't content with the state of your existence, then change it. No one else is going to hold your hand and help you to live your truth. That, my friends, is your mission. And that, my friends, is also my mission. Let's compare notes. 

That's what this blog is for!

The bottom left is one of my favorites. :)