Showing posts with label NVC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NVC. Show all posts

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Truth Warriors are Us


I'm finally taking a sweaty moment here to start this new blog post while we are pulled over in the baking mid-day sun at a state border stop between Nayarit and Sinaloa. The guards informed us that we can't take any fruits into this state. We have been existing on a 80% fresh fruits diet for quite a few months, so to us this was very unwelcome news. So when they tried to open up our car and take it all to the trash can, we sat here instead, for at least a half hour eating mangos and bananas. We also splurged and purchased our first jumbo jackfruit this morning. I didn't even get to take a photo of it. We dug out a knife and cut it open just to try a taste before handing it over to the fruit police. They explained that there are too many pests and fungus that can be spread to all of the fruits in Sinaloa. Fair enough. I think that most people conform and hand over everything and just drive away. Not these two vegan fruit fiends! In the last week alone we have tried three new fruits: Starfruit, jackfruit, and guanabana (which I have seen all of in Asian markets in Canada but never tried). Not to mention fresh cacao fruit and seeds. Yum. The sheer acreage of plantations and the heaps of fruit on the Pacific coast has been completely mind blowing.
Thousands of forests of coconut palms. Miles of mango trees. Fields of piƱas, papayas and lime trees. They are trying to feed a very hungry planet here!


So now that I wrote that all down, let me back up and recap some really beautiful and intense experiences. Some of the more intense days of this entire 5 month road trip, actually. 

Our next stop on the South Pacific coast of Mexico was Puerto Escondido. We had some cacao ceremonies booked at a healing and wellness retreat center there. We were also asked by the owner to see how his new team of volunteers was doing running the place. The long and short of it was that the team was having a tough start. This place requires a lot of time and dedication. It also requires, like everything that we do everyday, clear communication with others. 


There was a second round of intense waves slamming the whole pacific shoreline those first few days that we arrived in Puerto. It felt a bit reflective of the energy in the wellness center. People getting tossed to and fro in the waves of miscommunication.

We recognized that possibly a cacao ceremony for the team and the three guests might be a useful tool to create more openness and unity. So the eight of us convened on the beautiful rooftop palapa one afternoon and for several hours we created a sacred space of connection and communication. It was like magic. People arrived all flustered and exhausted. They left uplifted and full of gratitude. Mid-ceremony, a funny little seed blew onto the floor in front of me. It was like a disc of clear rice paper with a small heart-shaped seed in the center. It was a tiny confirmation for me from the universe that these cacao ceremonies are planting seeds of love across the planet. We are all planting seeds each moment. With every interaction. More love seeds, please. 


We really enjoyed the team at the healing center. They were from Mexico and Canada. Such awesome young people full of passion and hope. We enjoyed sunrise meditations and early morning yoga each day that week. We shared buckets of mangos from the street outside the house. We shared vegan recipes and then ate more mangos. At the Saturday market we were able to purchase our first fresh whole cacao pods! So pretty, and tasty too.


I really appreciated the conscious manner that team meetings were held at this wellness center. One person spoke at a time without interruptions. We all encouraged each other to speak the truth and to express our truest feelings. It was very tough for some of the group to share openly and to receive what others had to say. There was some major intensity but also major growth for all involved. Including us. So after a week of these morning meetings, we were dubbed the Truth Warriors by the staff. I accept that title, as one of many, and plan to continue assisting others to bring out the truth for the betterment of all of humanity. 


After a week in Puerto, we drove to Acapulco. It was a pretty neat place with lots of VW beetles and a huge mercado in the early morning as we departed after our quick one night stay. They had so many flowers at this particular mercado. Beautiful

We then headed to Zihuatenajo. It's a beautiful city. We googled a vegan cafe where we planned to stop and rest while we got an oil change for our Truth Mobile. It was not a cafe at all but an amazing woman in her lovely home who was a raw foods warrior. Patti invited us in and made us raw vegan pizzas made with local and organic fruits and veggies. So amazing. We got that oil change and so much more. We were invited to stay at Patti's home after we saw the sprouted cacao beans on her counter. The cacao chat began and the rest was history. She took us to see our very first cacao tree just down the block from her casa.  We held a cacao ceremony at her home and shared many special moments there. We departed early the second morning and Patti was up making us vegan raw burritos to go for our road lunch. Wow were they amazing!!! I thought mine were amazing but hers were out of this world. It continues to amaze me at how dazzling we all become when we are living our true calling! When life calls you, answer! Don't take a message or screen your calls. Don't say you'll call back when it's more convenient. Just take the call and enjoy it!


We were stopped at checkpoints several times in Michoacan.  This is the state with some of the highest level of unrest because of drug cartels. We decided to trek through despite all of the negativity that we found online. We have heard so many negative opinions of Mexico and Central America since we began announcing that we were taking this journey last fall. We have not encountered a single situation that I would call dangerous or scary for over 5 months. Michoacan was heavily militarized and there were many checkpoints where we had to get out of the car for inspection and questioning. Which usually resulted in laughter.
The best part of these stops was that the soldiers would dig through our car asking what things were and we got to give them some free healthy living lessons! It was awesome. This state was also one of the most wild, uninhabited and beautiful that we have seen. High cliffs overlooking a blue wild ocean. Thick lush jungles covering winding roads for hours shaded us from the sun. We saw dozens of giant white butterflies flapping huge floppy, white wings and giving us the feeling that they were our tiny guardian angels. Two more days to go in magical Mexico. Magical.

"The destiny of the world is in your hands."

Sunday, March 30, 2014

24 Hours of Gratitude

Let's start with the irony of this experiment. I found this image while mindlessly scrolling through Facebook,  which I have complained about plenty of times. (I try not to spend much time staring at my phone screen these days, but sometimes it just sucks me right in. Especially when I know I have something else to get done that I am not excited about.)

Anyway, I am so glad that I stumbled upon that little green square. I said out loud right then and there, "What an awesome concept. I'm doing this. Starting now."
Ahahahahaha!!!

Yeah, right. About 5 minutes later I grumbled when my iPhone wasn't doing what I wanted it to. I said "Does that noise mean that I'm complaining?!" I made a self-reffing call on that one. So, I started over. I think I made it about 10 more minutes before complaining about something or other that humanity does that irritates me. I laughed at myself and realized that this would prove to be much more of a challenge than I initially thought! Pure determination and full presence was what I needed.

Going a bit deeper, I realized that some of my unspoken thoughts were equally as negative as the ones that escaped my lips. How many times in a day do you let yourself be annoyed, irritated, judgemental or just plain bitchy? Yikes! If we all said everything that we were thinking out loud, we could all be labeled as sociopaths and avoid each other like the plague! Ahh. Well, thank goodness that most of us have built-in censors. 

So. I decided that if I DID notice a negative thought arise, as long as I caught it, corrected it to be more true, and moved on, it could count toward the 24 hours of positivity. 

I eventually made it through 24+ hours without being a whiner or negative thinker. The funny part about this whole thing is that I would consider myself a very positive person to begin with. However, when I really got present within my own thoughts, I became frighteningly aware of the reality of the human mind.  It likes to seek out negatives or injustices or unfair things or people that are "wrong" or weird, or little stuff that isn't up to our standards, or, or, or...

I was listening to Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth (literally, for like the 10th time) on the morning of my successful 24 hour stint...it may have been part of my success that day... He said, "the mind wants to want, more than it wants to have." It's so true. We need to be grateful for what is and what we have now and stop the thwarted wanting! Geez!

I will sometimes meet people who I refer to as "having an Eeore cloud over their heads". You know, the cute little donkey from Whinny the Pooh that has a pet rain cloud that follows him? Nothing is ever good or fair or fun for these folks. They always seem to find the negative in everything. This. is. so. exhausting. For everyone. It's simply unattractive to other humans. Like a natural repellant. These are the times when I wish I had the art of teleporting mastered. For now, I will try to listen fully. Ask yourself if what they (or you) are being negative about is really the issue. Usually there is something deeper happening that they (you) haven't resolved. 

Sometimes a poor choice they (or you) have made way back has manifested some ugly realities for them in the present. If you feel brave enough, ask them (or yourself) if they are willing to look at the issue at hand from a different perspective. How did they get here? Are they willing to change their thoughts or habits to create a more positive outcome? What is their intention by being so negative? Are they seeking attention, sympathy and commiseration? Don't give it. This will only confirm that being negative and whiny works in their favor.  Compassion and empathy is what is needed here. Listen. Acknowledge their feelings of anger, sadness or discomfort. Then, in a kind way, ask what they plan to do to turn things around for themselves. This might help to turn that cloud into rainbows and sunshine. Or at least a fluffier, happy cloud?

Anyway, to sum up this whole idea: try it yourself. Do a 24 hour gratitude challenge. Invite a friend or your spouse to do it too. (Then you can help keep each other on track.) Ooooh. See if your kids can do it, if they're old enough to understand self-reflection. It will be a great learning experience for all of us. 

Like me, you will be exponentially more aware of those pesky negative thoughts that arise. So we can trap them in a jar, examine the heck out of them, then release them back into the world as positive, loving thoughts. After all, everything is connected, so let's make this life better for everyone. 

I took this photo in NYC back in October. It was painted on a building in an alley. I knew I would use it eventually. 


I am so grateful that you just read this piece of my whirling thoughts.
Have a beauty-filled day. 

Ps. If you have 10 more minutes, watch and listen to this beautiful piece of art. It's worth every second.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Our Year with Other Couples


*Disclaimer: In no way am I singling out anyone or speaking condescendingly toward any of our family or friends. This is simply an observation of human communication, or a lack thereof. (Myself included.)

During a bedtime conversation the other night (while visiting overnight at another couple's home), we realized that as a couple, in one form or another, we have been living in close proximity to other couples for over a year (I, myself, have lived with/near other couples for 2.5 years). Whether house mates, or kind friends / family who have generously allowed us to park the moHo on their land and communally use their laundry and/or shower, etc. It's been extremely eye-opening.

Including the couples that we visited briefly with on our two-month road trip, we counted roughly 15 couples that we have shared some sort of living arrangement with over the course of approx. 18 months.  Some for just a night, and others for several months. 


My number one generalized conclusion: most couples don't communicate well enough. It's an epidemic. It's a disaster. It's teaching our offspring how to non-communicate so they can perpetuate the madness! It's also extremely uncomfortable to be a witness to on a regular basis.

I'm not saying WE are perfect communicators. At all. We do both put in a whole lot of effort on a daily basis to get better at it. Together. We have established a partnership code of communication. It has been a commitment since day one. We are continually tweaking and improving the skills we have built upon over many months. 


Some days are better than others. Here's why.

1.  Wake up with a smile. 
Tell your partner how happy you are to wake up next to them each morning. If that would be an untruth, then this may be an indicator that the relationship is no longer serving you. (Just a thought.)

2. Go to sleep with a smile. 
Take 5 minutes (or more) in bed to alternately name things that you are grateful for today. It can be as general as the fact that the sun was shining today.  Or it could be that your partner did the dishes. Anything at all. 


3. Learn your Love Language. Then learn your partner's. 
There is a monumentally important book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Read it. Together.

Or get the audiobook and listen as a couple (or family) on your next road trip. It's only a couple of hours and it will change your life, if you choose to be more aware of both of your needs.

Take the Love Language Quiz:

4. Show some gratitude. 
(You can not O.D. on gratitude. I repeat: there is no such thing as over-communicating your appreciation to others.)


Never ever assume that someone knows that you are appreciative for their kind words or actions!!!

Try any combo of these bold statements:

Thanks for doing the laundry.
Thanks for working hard all day to help support us.
Thanks for making that delicious meal!
Thanks for making that phone call. 
Thanks for opening the door for me. 
Thanks for putting the kids to bed.
Thanks for being you!

Or, if that's all too much, you can never fail with a simple "Thank You." No need to be specific.


Far too often we love to point out our perceived flaws in our partners to other people. Try replacing that habit by sharing something wonderful about him or her. What a crazy concept!

5. Resolve issues while they are fresh and tiny. 
You know when your windshield gets that first rock chip? Aw, man! My windshield was flawless! I just got it last week! Eventually, that tiny chip can become a ginormous crack that divides the whole window. It can never be undone. Only replaced. Yeah. Think about that one for a minute...Any cracks forming/ formed in your windshield? Do something about it before it's too late. 


If your partner does anything that feels uncomfortable for you, be gentle, direct, and honest and use kind words. Swearing, blaming, name-calling, belittling, guilt-tripping, threatening, ignoring or avoiding each other's giant Gladiator egos isn't going to end up on a positive note. EVER. No exceptions. 

No one is perfect. That doesn't mean you should stop trying to improve your consciousness. 


6. Laugh together. 
Stop taking yourselves and each other (and life) so seriously. 

7. Listen. Without interrupting. At all. Just listen. Even when you want to finish that sentence for them. No distractions. Put that phone away. 

If you don't currently practice any of these skills on a regular basis, don't be alarmed when your love boat eventually springs a leak an begins to sink. Solid relationships take work!!!


"We talk. We communicate. It's one thing to make a commitment to someone else. It's another thing to make a commitment to working on your own sh*t. Then you help your partner work on their sh*t." - a quote from my partner when I asked him why we get along so well. So there you have it.

On your mark. Get set. Communicate!