We Are on Time

There is no better time. Now is all we ever have. Now. And now. And now...I needed to get my bathing suit on and get outside on the first day of August to soak up some summer sunshine...right NOW. Here on Vancouver Island, the summer weather this year has been strangely elusive. What?! It's August?? Agh!! Where is the hot sunshiny sky? It's here today. NOW. It wasn't here a couple of weeks ago. It may be gone next week. I'm not even in summer mental mode and it's more than half over!? So today I start enjoying summer and spending less computer time and less marketing and promotional time. I just had a huge realization that I'm actually tired of being a trailblazer and a born leader. This week it has felt like such a heavy burden. Did I order this?? I believe so.

Good advice. Only chocolate can achieve this. Haha!

I went to a Red Tent women's circle last night. During a guided visualization, I realized that my callings throughout my life have all been things/careers/roles that required me to be on the cutting edge or be doing/sharing something new and different. The status quo has never been for me. "This can be done better." "There must be a new way." The little voice is always guiding me. Most of the time it has been an unconscious pull. But today. Today, I'm fully aware. And I need a serious time-out from this cosmic job. Just for a little bit. So I can step back and question everything fully. Especially this: "I feel like none of it matters. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's all the same. Why is this so? And now where do I go from here?"

Ironically, I find philosophy boring and loopy. Too much thinking instead of being here, in the only moment we ever have. As Eckhart Tolle says "the only place we can ever experience the past or the future is in our minds." As many of us know, this can lead to anxiety and depression. No fun.

As I write this blog on my iPhone, I'm simultaneously texting with a sweet friend who is across the continent. I had to copy and paste part of the conversation because it's exactly what I needed to share out loud. It was like this:

She said something to the effect that she's ready to burst out of her metaphorical "cocoon"...

Me: "Haha!!! Yeah. I have no cocoon. I think I need one. We should swap!"

She then stated how simple it is to make a cocoon. 

Me: "I'm trying. I'm living on a secluded acreage on an island! It's the technology that's disturbing my would-be cocoon. Mostly the use of Facebook to market and advertise our events. I must quit. It's an energy vampire in disguise as a cute blue and white screen with my friends' faces."(And a bunch of those "friends" are people I don't even know!)

Bam! Poof! Seems simple enough. I don't want to read about the US election candidates and the tsunami of BS that is pushing it forward at a DISTURBING level of intensity. I don't want to see what people had for breakfast. I don't want to see people DESPERATELY crying for help through their computers/ smartphones/ tablets/ google glasses (etc.). We, as a species of humans are losing something that will be very difficult to regain if we collectively let this continue much longer: Connection. REAL loving connection. Support. Friendship. Deep conversations. Sharing what we are passionate about and what makes us all tick. Physical connection too!

In the last week alone, these are a few of the things people have said to me that really stuck in my mind (mostly via an electronic device of some sort):

"I'm so lonely. I feel like I have no real friends anymore. Where is everyone?"

"I just need a hug."

"I know that I'm here to help people. Why does it feel SO HARD?!"

"I'm so completely overwhelmed. I'm retired! I don't even have a job. Why should I be feeling so overwhelmed?!"

"I just don't feel appreciated or needed by anyone anymore."

"Remember when people used to call each other on the phone to make a plan to get together? That was so much easier."

"Remember when people had time and energy and the desire to connect with their loved ones and friends...for no particular or special reason, other than that fact that they loved spending time with one another?"... Oh wait, that one was mine.

I can easily echo most of the other comments, too. I have felt very similar things in the last year. We all feel and think similar things. We are all human. With 7+ billion of us here, having an original thought or emotion is unlikely. We are all more alike than many of us realize or care to acknowledge. The irony is that so many people think that they are the only ones feeling lonely, disconnected, overwhelmed or maxed out. If we would all discuss these human challenges more openly- in person. Heart-to-heart. With those who mean the most to us. Humans would possibly feel much better overall. Too many of us are pretending to be superheroes instead of being human. We feel. We need. We are one. 

I had an incredible and synchronistic meeting with one of my all-time favorite musicians in late June. Tanner and I treated ourselves to a one-day pass at an island music festival which was perched on top of a naked, logged mountain overlooking the ocean. It was a unique place for sure. We trekked our there to witness the musical magic of Nahko and Medicine for the People. They are an amazingly gifted crew of musical channels who are spreading messages of love and acceptance. Everything that I also feel that the world needs now, so I am deeply grateful for their gift.

As the sun was setting, I put on all of my warm layers of clothing and went to purchase a hot beverage. The performance we were awaiting was coming soon. To my surprise, the whole band was seated at a strangely oversized log picnic table enjoying supper together. I took my hot drink and retrieved some friends. We engaged in a half hour conversation with Nahko and some other bandmates. He looked at me and said "tell me a story." So I told him the story of how a friend copied me a CD of his music two years ago, and how on that fateful day, our car stereo, which had been out of order for many months, magically turned on to play me that incredibly powerful music. His eyes were wide and he laughed in astonishment. My friend then shared with Nahko how much his music means to him and how it has inspired him and changed his direction in life. Then he said "but you probably hear that all the time."  Nahko's response to that was looking us both in the eye and saying "Yes, but thank you for sharing that because if I didn't hear it from people, I probably wouldn't keep going."  We all need to feel love and support face-to-face and heart-to-heart. No exceptions. 100% of humans need love. 

I then asked if it was corny to get our photo taken together and thanked him for being humble enough to take the time to chat with a couple of fans on Vancouver Island. It wasn't corny at all. It was full of love and appreciation. From all parties.

Nahko and a pretty happy me. 

So, then a group of us pulled off a fun surprise birthday potluck for Tanner last week. Some really special people made the effort to come and celebrate life together. One friend brought two didgeridoos that he made himself, straight off the plane from Australia. He gifted one to Tanner. Very special indeed. 

We took a trip down the road from our summertime housesit to a clay deposit in the Cowichan River and had a sunny clay mask treatment. I have been really trying to focus on extra self care. I just remade am updated "things that I love" checklist. The last one that I made in April was full. I put my first checkmarks on the new one today. Gotta keep doing what I love. It's what keeps me loving life.

Tanner in his clay suit. 

So I just took a time out from writing to eat some watermelon and to look up "cougar/puma/mountain lion" in our spirit animal book. Last night I dreamt that Tanner was behind the wheel of a jeep and I was in the passenger seat. It was dusk and he turned left into a pitch black earthen tunnel. It was big enough to drive through and I could only see a few feet ahead of us with the dim headlights. I said "slow down!" He said "We're fine. I've got this." He drove faster and faster and I was panicking. I then looked to the right at the walls of the dirt tunnel zooming by, and noticed huge cat paw tracks all along the walls and even above us on the ceiling of the tunnel. I remember thinking "how the hell did the cat run along the walls and ceiling of the tunnel?" I then thought, "I guess it's possible. I've just never seen that with my own eyes. That doesn't mean it didn't happen." We finally got to the dim, dusky light at the end of the tunnel and there was a cougar, the maker of the big paw tracks, which darted away quickly to the left. Then I saw a brief glimpse of a Sasquatch strolling away to the right. I said "was that a Sasquatch?!" Whoa! Recap: Traveling a dark tunnel into the unknown. Cat tracks. Big ones. A majestic cougar in the light at the end of the tunnel. An elusive Sasquatch out for a stroll. Powerful dreamtime!

Cougar spirit animal says this:

So maybe I am a leader. I can't hide from it, even in my dreams. I am being nudged (or raced) forward into the dark unknown that lies ahead. The message I am getting from the universe is: 

 Stay calm. Buckle up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Follow the tracks laid out before me and most of all, TRUST. 

"We are on time." - Nahko

PS. I AM GOING TO RECONFIGURE MY LIFE TO ELIMINATE FACEBOOK AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND STILL DO WHAT I LOVE. Stay tuned for details on how that works out. :D

 

The Adjustment Bureau

I am relaxing on a balcony overlooking the ocean from West Vancouver as the sun sets over my right shoulder. Cruise ships and cargo barges are floating back and forth across the bay. I thought I would have been crossing back over to Vancouver Island to go home to my own bed, but the universe said otherwise. Just as we were literally moments from boarding the ferry this afternoon, there was a "POP!", followed by a cloud of steam billowing from underneath the hood and a greenish stream of coolant flowing down the loading ramp. Yikes. I shut the car off immediately and turned to my passenger, which was my friend/mother in law. "Adjustment Bureau", I said. And we had a laugh. If you haven't seen that movie, it's one of only a few mainstream movies that I highly recommend watching. There is a higher power and master planner at work in every single moment. At least that's what my experience has been. We just never know what the next minute or the next second will present us with. Gotta be ready to respond. Like a light, flexible, fluid ninja.

We sat in the cool shade in a stairwell nearby our disabled car. While we sat, many folks strolled up and down the steps. At one point a very small girl with her parents came by and I noticed her little pink tee shirt just simply said "DETOUR". Funny. And odd...

Jim, with BCAA (like AAA for non-Canadians) picked us up and towed our little Jetta to a repair shop. He said he really enjoyed our bumper stickers and especially the one that says "THIS IS A GOOD SIGN". So I happened to have a stack of cardboard GOOD SIGNS, of which I passed him a couple. He was pretty excited! I also gave one to the auto insurance agent last week when we renewed our insurance, as I discovered them hiding in the insurance envelope after half a year. She appreciated it also.

So after an entertaining drive to the auto shop with a super tow truck driver, we were rescued by a lovely family member who happens to reside in close proximity to the Horseshoe Bay Ferry. And here I sit. I believe I partially manifested this exact scenario, as earlier today while we were weaving south along the edge of the Pacific Ocean from an amazing weekend festival, I had the thought "I have a blog to write. When will I find the time?"  Hahaha!!! Whamo. Like magic. I have been forced to take the time. A gift. Time, to write it all down. 

Photo of cacao circle by Tammra Broughton at The Conscious Goddess Festival 2016!

The festival was called The Conscious Goddess Festival and it was so beautiful. It's a newer festival, only in its second year. So it was small with about 150 people or so. Mostly women. A few loving men were invited to be supporters of their goddesses. One man was the sacred fire keeper all weekend. What a sacred fire it was!

I had come across an ad on Facebook back in February for this festival. As soon as I saw the name, I knew I was going to apply to offer a cacao workshop and also offer my Open Arise Creations headbands as a vendor. I was warmly welcomed to do both. It was a lot to juggle, but well worth every minute. I was so happy to see most of my headbands find loving homes and shining goddesses to adorn. The cacao workshop was wonderful also. Part way through the cacao session, a yellow swallowtail butterfly flew into our tent and around our circle of chairs and swooped by my face to remind me that I'm on the perfect path. The festival was truly magical and encouraged deep healing and transformations in so many participants.  

Cori and I on the last day of the festival at the Open Arise Creations booth.  

I could write the entire blog about the festival but I have more to share. Where are we living now? Where's home? For the summer months we have agreed to return to a parcel of fruity paradise on Vancouver Island. The property owner asked for our assistance with the place while he trials 90 days at a nearby ecovillage to see if it's a fit for him. So we have returned to this small retreat in the cedars and maples for a few months, which we had called home for most of 2014. 

We really love this spot and are so grateful to have another opportunity to enjoy the forest and gardens on this slice of earth. September will bring a change of location for us once again...

For now, Tanner has been offered a part time position as a taxi driver/spiritual guide. Haha! He truly enjoys it and for 3 days each week he drives to inspire his passengers. It's quite a different career path for him, but a welcome change of pace for a little while. I have been keeping my hands very busy creating the gemstone headbands. I have recently been asked to wholesale them to a vegan cafe in Miami Beach, Florida, and have had numerous other requests too- some yes's, some no's. I need more hands soon. Octopus spirit animal, answer my call! It's going really well and that's what matters. 

Meditation and sound bath time at one of our cacao ceremonies. 

We have also hosted cacao ceremonies for nearly 200 people in the first half of 2016. We have hosted them at many locations across the southern part of Vancouver Island. A new friend who's family hosted us in May at the full moon, created this amazing smudging fan for us. 

Wildwood Earth Art on Facebook 

We have been blessed to co-facilitate with several gifted sound healers. Our crystal singing bowls have mingled their vibrations with didjeridoos, drums, chimes, rattles, lots of other crystal and Tibetan bowls and most importantly, open hearts and the voices of many. The voice of ONE. 

Our new friend and crystal bowl whisperer, Tara. 

Moving into July we have decided to take a hiatus from the ceremonies. Time to rest and regroup and take care of ourselves is of utmost importance. The second half of this year is likely to be just as event-full!

Hiking trip. This was at the start. You should have seen us 6 hours later. 

Visions of fall travel are brewing in both our waking and dreaming hours. The where part isn't quite clear yet. Or the how. Trusting that it will all be shown in perfect and divine time is what we continue to practice.

PS. Oh. And the other prominent components that keep presenting themselves in 2016 have been the need for conscious communication and firm boundary setting. It's not glamorous work, but it sure feels good to speak my truth and ask for what I need. Try it for yourself. Say what you need to feel your best. Stand in your own power. Love thy neighbour, but love thyself first.

Humanity needs this now. 

PPS. I made a drum. Finally! It was a very special experience. The flesh of deer and maple that melded together to express the rhythms of life are held in deep gratitude within my heart and soul. Healing of many hearts is her mission. I named her Luna. 

I Call It My Life.

Yep. This is a real place on this island. It was magical. 

I was walking through the magical forests of Vancouver Island yesterday and was telling a new friend that I write a blog. (That's her in the photo above.) Then I realized I haven't been writing as often as I would prefer to. Writing was flowing out of me weekly for a couple of years. Now it's more like monthly, at best. She asked why I started a blog. I didn't even have to think of an answer and I blurted out, "to hang on to my sanity." She smiled and nodded. It really has been an incredible tool that has allowed me to look back upon the days and weeks that pass me by and to dissect the challenges that I have faced, to fully appreciate the magic that I have experienced and to express my gratitude for life. 

Now this: My personal observation of the first quarter of 2016 is that collectively, humanity is feeling extremely shaken up. As if we are little specs, all living in a huge snow globe that gets flipped over 20 times a day on a gift shop shelf. Just when the snow settles...whoa! The big hand comes and stirs things up all over again. 

What can we each do to remain balanced during this seemingly chaotic period in our world? First of all, balance won't happen for you by accident. You will have to make a very solid, conscious effort to stay balanced. Try to spend time quietly in nature. Breathe in what the tress are offering us. Lie on the grass. It's that time of year again where the grass is becoming lush and inviting. Remind yourself that you are a spec lying on a pile of tiny plants on the surface of a humongous mass of matter and not floating off into infinite outer space, thanks to something we call gravity. We are each a drop in the ocean. It's kinda magical really.

Sing. Hum. Listen to the birds so full of joy. Why are they so happy? They're livin' and lovin' each moment, that's why. 

Pick spring flowers. Or just appreciate them where they grow and thank them for exciting your eyeballs and nose. Play your favorite music. Talk to a friend. Then listen to that friend. Allow yourself to receive love in whatever form it shows up in. Then give some of it away again without attachments. More will come back to you.  It's an infinite resource. When in doubt, remind yourself that what you perceive as the end of your world really isn't that bad. Someone, somewhere has outdone you in that department. They have it worse. What's the worst thing that can happen? Right, probably death is the worst case scenario for most of us. Then what? The magic of this swirling reality carries on without us when we transition into another form. Humans are not the be all and end all. Though we are lead to believe this. Sigh. 

So many people have recently expressed to us their sadness, struggle, desperation, loneliness, hopelessness, complacency and self-doubt, all seemingly resulting from the chaotic state of our world. These are all things that each human faces at some point in life. I know we don't like these feelings but as "they" say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...and more wise and more resilient. Hopefully we all learn something from diving deep into these feelings. Hold your breath, jump in and don't forget to come up for a breath here and there.

I also know, without a single bit of doubt, that it's time for humanity to join together in community with others who have experienced these challenges and who are ready to co-create a new reality for the coming months and years. No more of this "each human for themselves" nonsense. We are a family of 7 BILLION and growing and no human should deserve to get left behind. There clearly aren't enough material resources for this "single family" globalization disaster system to continue. Hello? Can others see this train wreck just around the bend?

This is one of the foundational concepts behind our sacred cacao ceremonies. Creating Community.  Sacred time and space together. What makes it sacred? To me, everything is sacred. No person or object is more special than another. In addition, at our gatherings, we choose a physical space that feels good and nurturing on all levels. It must please the 5 senses as well as hold a high vibrational feeling to our 6th sense and beyond. We use various tools and skills to clear the energetics of a space and cleanse the energy of each guest prior to partaking in ceremony. We do our best to create a sense of safety and inclusivity and are consistently amazed at the dynamic crowd that gathers each time. We are all the same at the core. We all want to feel like part of the web. We all need love. We all need healing. We all want to be heard and understood. We all need smiles and hugs to ignite and unite our spirits. Love is the energy that fuels our collective spiritual fire. 

Cacao ceremonies, for us, are a concentrated epicenter of love expansion and connection with ourselves, loved ones and strangers (who suddenly don't seem like strangers after ceremony). Last night a group of 23 humans became non-strangers at our ceremony. How awesome.

I honestly don't even know what the point of this blog post was today. It's just sort of typed itself. I'm just holding the space for the words to come out.

All I know is that I am in absolute awe of this bizarre and exciting experience that I'm having in every moment day after day. 

I call it my life.

Swept Up in a Rainbow LOVE Tornado

It's seems that the less we travel, the less time I take to write about life in between. It's been two months now since I took a timeout to write down all of the incredible things that we have been experiencing. 

It has been a chilly and wet 6 weeks since we retuned to Vancouver Island. The frequent rainbows and majestic eagles floating overhead make it all ok. Fine, it's more than ok. This island is a magical place! We are so grateful to call it our home base.

It's a beautiful sunny day today as I sit on the back deck typing. It's still fairly chilly. The spring flowers are all coming up with optimism. I can hear a happy tree frog chirping in the swaying cedars nearby. 

We were asked by our friend to housesit for her for 3 weeks in January. Then several other housesitting opportunities aligned themselves in front of us. So here we are now on a little organic farm. There is a fun flock of laying hens to care for and a couple of crazy cats too. It's a beautiful place to hunker down and do some writing and resting. The crackling woodstove is my good friend. 

We have noticed a big shift in the consciousness of the general public in 2016. We found it tricky at times to fill up our Cacao Ceremonies in 2015. It was also challenging to  secure a venue, often feeling like we were trying too hard to convince anyone that this was something good and useful for the people and the planet. When the calendar flipped (literally on New Year's Eve) something also flipped in the consciousness of humans.

Probably not ALL humans, but a good number of us. We are now getting such huge responses to these gatherings that we often have a waiting list. People are suggesting venues and offering us their spaces weekly. 2016 is numerologically a 9 year, which is a year of completion. It seems that many many people are ready to face their worst fears, forgive past grievances, and just start to love themselves and one another. That's what cacao promotes. Love. Inner Peace. And joy!

If you don't know about our Cacao blog it's www.cacaoconnection.blogspot.com or our Facebook page is Cacao Connection. 

Speaking of joy, I was invited to participate in a photo shoot on the weekend. It was 5 hours of fun and laughter, wild makeup and big hair. We modeled some of my Open Arise Creations headbands. I also played with some cacao and got some fun shots with a drink and some of the beans. So far this is the first image that the amazing Kim Yanick has shared with me, but I know there is more beautiful stuff coming. Check out Kim's work at www.kimyanick.com or follow her on Facebook at Kim Yanik Portraits to see her magical work unfold. 

These headbands are so powerful and so many people are scooping them up. I have been taking them to local fairs and events and it's been a ton of fun. This is what I love to do!

Photo by Gord Griffiths

Tanner entered into the British Columbia Open for pool, which is a passion of his. A lot of our acquaintances aren't aware that he's a pool player because he doesn't speak about it much. Earlier this week, he won 4th place in his division of nearly 100 players. He enjoyed a 5-day getaway with the guys and I also enjoyed some "me" time.

We sure are grateful to have each other though. We cherish each day of adventure together. Life is beautiful.

Crystal Magic. Thanks 2015!

The autumn of 2015 was very busy and full of unexpected events for us. I have been finishing up the 90-day herbal treatment that was recommended after my live blood analysis in October. I have about 3 weeks left. It has been difficult to get through. The blood retest at 5 weeks into the treatment showed big improvements, which was encouraging. It has left me feeling overall tired and my body has been working overtime to cleanse and rebuild itself, cell by cell. I have been faced with forced resting a LOT, and not participating in many normal activities that I usually do without even thinking twice. So tired. It's been a big challenge to just REST and not DO, DO, DO.

The autumn all over the USA and Canada was unusually mild (as most of you may have noticed), which is pretty bizarre. It also meant a longer growing season and more fresh veggies at the farmers markets in Pennsylvania (and everywhere). We were so excited to find such beautiful, nourishing fall foods. We enjoyed meeting the farmers who grew the food and even went apple picking in the neighborhood at an abandoned orchard. There was such a bumper crop of apples that no one knew what to do with them all this year. Yum!

We ended up spending about 9 weeks with my dad in Pennsylvania. We reconnected with many of my friends and family members. It was a time for healing and cleansing on all levels. I learned a lot about my dad and his side of our family tree. I enjoyed the stories that answered some questions for me.  My dad passed on many gemstones and crystals to us that he had inherited from his parents. They were rock hounds and my grandfather was a lapidary and jeweler. He passed away the month before I was born, so I never met him. However, with all of the stones and stories I have inherited, I am grateful to continue working with earth's treasures like my ancestors did. I just know it's a part of what I'm here to share!

We also shared our knowledge of crystals and stones with my nephew. He and uncle Tanner built an Angelic Gateway with crystals while we were in Pennsylvania. He was so excited about this idea. As they tucked each stone into little holes in the earth, he gave them a leaf blanket and pillow and said goodnight as he patted down the soil on top. 

Shortly before the chaos and terrorism erupted in Europe and beyond, I received a very clear message during a meditation that I am to create headbands using copper and crystals to enhance the communication between humans and the higher realms. I wasted no time gathering materials and starting to create these unique beauties. You can see my work available on the etsy page (custom orders welcome!):

www.etsy.com 

shop name: OpenAriseCreations

Or on Facebook at Open Arise Creations

Since I'm on the topic of crystals...we recently acquired two amazing quartz crystal singing bowls. We were in Montana on our last night in the USA and we discovered a gorgeous shop that sends its proceeds to a project in which the shop owner works on healing rescued elephants with singing bowl sound therapy. Here is their site:

www.darirasa.com

We have been waiting for the right bowls to present themselves for quite some time- and they did. We are so excited to add the healing vibrations of these bowls to our cacao ceremonies and other events. We have really enjoyed getting to know them so far!

We have returned to Home Sweet Canada for the foreseeable future. After a journey of 30,000 kilometers of both calm and wild rides in 2015, we will be settling on lovely Vancouver Island...at least for a little while, anyway. 2016, we are excited for the wonderful experiences you will bring! In 2016, we commit to continuing to plant the seeds of LOVE around our world. It's what we do best. 

Deep Roots of Our Family Tree

The last 6 weeks have been some of the most challenging weeks that I can recall since some major shifts in 2012. They have been filled with reunions with dear friends and family members, laughter and tears and countless frustrations. I have not had the needed enthusiasm to write this blog post. This is the longest I have ever gone between blogs. This morning, I sit on my childhood front porch in the low autumn sun and crisp air of rural Pennsylvania, amongst warmly colored leaves and skillfully carved pumpkins.

If given a thousand guesses, I would never have guessed that I would be sitting here today. When I was of age, at 21, I jumped at the opportunity to move across the continent to another country (Canada) to get away from my family. Far, far away. A childhood of trauma and abuse haunted me and I needed to escape to save and heal myself. Yet here I am, at ground zero, helping wholeheartedly the person who was once my greatest fear.

Let me step back in time a bit to paint a bigger picture. 

Me at 2. I had a fascination with native outfits and art even back then. 

I grew up with my parents and two siblings, me in the middle. My younger sister and my older half-brother. My parents married when he was 8. He and my dad always butted heads as long as I can remember. So did my dad and my little sister. I was always called "the perfect one" by my siblings. And I was. I did everything I could to be perfect to avoid the wrath. This came with many longer term side effects that I later learned about. As I have come to learn, many fathers (and mothers) are super stressed for lots of reasons and aren't sure how to deal with that. Anger, violence, yelling, name calling, threats are how it shows itself.  As kids, we didn't have a choice but to do our best to survive through all of those tense and scary years. When I was about 7 years old, my parents were in a severe car accident and my dad walked away with a bandaid on his forehead, while my mom was hospitalized for a long time and underwent many surgeries to put her back together. She was never quite the same after that, but nevertheless, she did a great job at being our mom.

Fast forward 25 years and my parents finally separate now that all of us are out on our own. Shortly after, in the following years my mom is diagnosed with breast cancer. Three times...ending in a double mastectomy after about 8 years of chemo, radiation and surgeries. Ugh.

Fast forward to September of this year. Tanner and I visited my mama and her partner in North Carolina, like I try to every couple of years. I could see that my mom was feeling stuck and numb in her life. She had very few friends, hobbies or joys, but a supportive partner. I told her all about the healing center that we were clients of on Vancouver Island. She agreed to a conference call with the staff. After one call, I could see a marked shift in her body, energy and speech. It was amazing. She has proceeded to begin a long-distance healing guidance program to work through some old traumas, of which she has many (like many or most of us). This is the center, among several others, where I was able to take workshops to forgive and heal from the past wounds of my own family trauma. This has allowed me to return here to give back to my dad. Everyone needs to feel loved and supported.

In addition to this work, my mama chose to make some major efforts to eat healthier and she quit taking any more antidepressant medications. Just face those emotions I said! She went through a few ugly days of physical withdrawal symptoms, but on the other side she was a brand new person. Relearning who she is may be challenging. I spoke to her on the phone after her first guidance session and her words brought tears to my eyes. "I feel like I have woken up from a coma!" Wow. She continues to inspire me after all she has been through. Thanks Mama Linda.

After a couple of weeks at the warm Carolina coast, we drove north up the east coast to the autumn colors in rural Northeastern Pennsylvania. My dad still lives in the home we grew up in. It is way too big for one person with 6 bedrooms and 4 acres, garage space for 5 cars and an airplane hangar with a workshop. He simply can't keep up!!! He's approaching 70 soon and his health is far from what I would call thriving.

So when we arrived here he asked that we stay a while and help him to fix the place up outside and in so that it can be sold in the spring. We said we would take it one day at a time and see how far we get with cleaning up. We always knew he was a collector of stuff. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten from him living alone for the last decade. Many days in the first two weeks I wanted to simply run away. After a few short cries and pep talks from Tanner, I am able to keep persevering, knowing that soon or later us kids will be here sorting through the heaps. Laughter helps a lot too. He has expressed immense gratitude for us staying here to help him sort out his life, literally.

My dad took us for a drive to New York, just outside of the city where I was born. He still has another house up there which has a pretty awesome view of the city in the distance, although over the last 20 years the trees sure have grown tall and partially blocked the cityscape. We also went to the cemetery where many of my dad's ancestors are resting in peace. We visited the site where my grandparents are buried. It was bittersweet and we left a sacred tobacco offering, which we taught to my dad. I think he thought it was odd, but he went along with it anyway.

My grandparents at their gemstone table at a fair in the '70s. 

Tanner reached into his pocket and pulled out two small gemstones, one swirled pink and one smooth blue. They were part of a huge gemstone and crystal collection that my grandma had gifted to me when I was a little girl. I had them all proudly displayed around my bedroom for nearly 15 years as a child. In 2004, however, I fled to Canada and left them all behind except a few tiny pieces of gemstone jewelry. I thought that boxes of rocks were too heavy to cart across the continent. 

We have reunited with many of the crystals and gems now and this time they are coming with us! Tanner said he didn't know why he put those two stones in his pocket that morning and we showed them to my dad. He said we should bury them just above the headstone plaque as a gift to grandma and grandpa. So we did. It felt really special to give back to them and to the earth after all of these years. 

Great Grandma Allan in her SA uniform

Great Grandpa Allan in his SA uniform

We have also been sorting through boxes of antique family photographs and labeling the dates and the people in them. My dad loves telling old stories about relatives so he's been thrilled to tell and retell Tanner about our family history. My great grandfather, John J. Allan, and his wife Phoebe were the leaders of the Salvation Army in North America in the early 1900's when they came over from England. They brought religion and assistance to people everywhere and traveled around the globe spreading the gospel and helping those who's souls were "in need of saving". Now, I don't necessarily agree with the whole missionary thing. But it was what it was and the Salvation Army is still helping millions of people every day. We have been donating boxes and bags full of my dad's unwanted stuff to the local SA thrift store. He has a box full of medals and paraphernalia from my great grandparents that my dad intends to donate to the Salvation Army museum in New York.

The hoarding and fear of scarcity problem has become increasingly apparent each day that we are here digging through mountains of clutter. My dad has a huge resistance to throwing anything away. One of his famous phrases is "you never know when you will need one of these!". I will refrain from too much detail or photos to maintain some privacy for him but all I can say is that my mental clarity and ability to think straight had been clouded over since being here. Material clutter=mental clutter. Simple. So as we continue to clear out one cupboard and one closet at a time, it's getting easier to breathe and think.

Something else that has transpired here is some interesting health concerns. My dad invited us both to come with him to an appointment with a woman who does live blood analysis. It was fascinating to see what was happening on a cellular level in his blood. I said that I would like to do it too so we went back a few days later and saw my blood. 

It was much worse than I imagined it would be! In a nutshell, lots of parasites (Mexico and Guatemala?) and lots of bacteria that shouldn't be there from an invisible infection somewhere in my body (an old root canal?). She also told both my dad and I that we have all 5 blood markers for Lyme Disease. Now, I can't speak for the whole world here, but in the northeastern USA, this disease has been a huge controversial topic for about 30 years, maybe more. It was originally thought to only be transferred by tick bites, but now it is said that other insects can transfer it too. Some say it doesn't exist and others are living helplessly with an unexplainable debilitating disease. For myself, I feel pretty darn good. I have some health issues, like all of us. Do I think I have Lyme disease? No. Do I want a happier blood test next time? You betcha. So I am following the wellness protocol that Lynn suggested for me to try for 90 days. On week two so far. It's practically a full time job taking supplements and teas an tinctures and all of these little brown glass bottles look like my own little witchcraft shop. She told me that starting the parasite cleanse a few days prior to the full moon will make it most effective. Interesting...I plan to try this.

Now, to end this mini-novel on a happy note: this guy has been the highlight of our visit to this part of the world!

He's Ben. He's almost 9. He is our only nephew and we think he's pretty much the coolest kid ever. He has asked us if he can travel the world with us and live with us and loves spending his time with anyone who will take him "to a body of water" so he can "catch creatures to observe them". He is so in touch with animals and nature and is as deeply sensitive and empathic as I was at his age. We jive well. Uncle Tanner is his super buddy too. Three peas in a pod. Love. Love. Love.